Transvestia

talk about it. However, i was still to ashamed at my feelings to suggest that I would still like to put on dre- sses. I probably hoped this when I had first mentioned the matter of my childhood, for the suggestion that I try on her clothes was made by her. I was tremendously excited when she first made this suggestion, but yet I was so frightened that I would look foolish, and that she would despise me for it, that I told her I would not be caught dead in women's clothes. Despite my indignant protests, I believe she must have sensed that this was not my true feelings, for she frequently suggested that I dress up, and moreover jokingly suggested that my hair was long enough to pass as a girl's style (which of course I already knew).

I was now in a terrible mental dilemna. I wanted more than anything in the world to give in, but all my old fears of homosexuality and perversion tormented me. Since I still believed that only "queers" had this desire to dress as women, I raised this matter to Betty when she again mentioned the idea. Her reaction to this was quite sensible, summarized roughly, "you can't be queer otherwise you wouldn't want to make love to girls. If you were queer you couldn't make love to me as well as you do. The clothes you wear don't suddenly make you a different person, and since I don't feel lesbian tendencies when I put on slacks or a man's shirt, I don't see how putting on a skirt is going to change you into a queer. You'll worry about this the rest of your life if you don't find out the truth, and besides it would be fun to see how you look as a girl."

I was swayed by this, but still could not bring my- self to dress up. What clinched it finally was one night when we were making love. Betty was stroking my head, when suddenly she ran her fingers through my hair, pull- ing it down to fall over my ears. As she did this she said, "there you look like a girl now. Do you feel any different about making love to me? I certainly don't feel any different about you. At hearing this I felt a thrill which I had never experienced before. Perhaps because of this, we experienced simultaneous orgasm. In any case it was the most enjoyable love-making of my life to that time.

"

(Continued on page 65)

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